The Batman Episode 1.01: The Bat in the Belfry/Transcript
This is the transcript for the episode "The Bat in the Belfry". Transcript Rupert Thorne: (Heavy Breathing) He’s here… Thug #1: Where, Mr. Thorne? Rupert Thorne: (Heavy Breathing) HUH? (gasps) 'Batman’s Cape rustles in the shadows' Rupert Thorne: There! I-I I saw him! 'Clink of the Batarang' Thug 1: Wha…What’s that? 'Thug 1 Loads his gun and a batarang flies out and knocks gun from Thug 1' Thug 1: Ahh! 'Batarang comes back to Batman' Rupert Thorne: Take him! Thug 1: Ah! Ahhhhhh!!!! Thug 2: Ahhhhhhh!!!! 'Thug 1 and 2: grunting from fighting the Batman/grunt from the impact of the floor' Rupert Thorne: (Neverously) Okay…uhhh, We split the take 30, 70. Uh! (gasps) 50, 50… (ahh)!!! 'Rupert Thorne grunts from jumping on rooftops. Grunts from jumping off a rooftop and grunts from the impact of Batman catching him' Rupert Thorne: Whao…How you do that? Batman: I’m the Batman. 'Batman jumps in Batmobile and Buckles his seat beat Reves up the car and drives through Gotham' Alfred: Surprise. Bruce: I’m touched Alfred. But, my birthday is not until October. Alfred: Its an aniversery, Master Bruce. 3 years ago, tonight, you first dawned cape and cowl. Bruce: Crime flies. Alfred: Chop Chop. Make a wish. Bruce: I wish…I wish… Alfred: I wish they were here too. Very much so. Bruce: To the memory of Thomas and Martha Wayne. (blows out candles) The reason I became the Batman. Reporter: Chief Rojas, Can you verify rumors that it was the Batman that apprehended crime boss, Rubert Thorn and his gang last night? Chief Rojas: Do you know of anyone who actually seen this Batman? Reporter: I uhh… Chief Rojas: Because he’s what’s called an “Urban Legend”. Alfred: Why that cheeky…(bruce looks at Alfred) …brand flakes sir. Bruce: Easy Alfred. The Batman is right where he likes, hovering below the radar. Alfred: You’re not the one to bask in glory, Master Bruce. Reporter: Well there you have it. In only 3 years time, our crime rate has plummeted to a nationwide low. Thanks to Gotham’s finest. Back to you, Jim. Reporter Jim: Next up, Billionare Bruce Wayne contributes an unprecedented sum to Gotham Children’s Hospital. And in Sports, Gators kick off a new season with tonight’s home game. 'TV switches off' Alfred: Which billionare Bruce Wayne will be there to enjoy. Your season tickets, sir. 'Grabs tickets' Bruce: Ohh, ttonight? Aw, but I had… Alfred: Work to do in the BatCave? For the Batman to remain under the radar, Bruce Wayne must occasionally venture above it. Ethan Bennet: (sighs) Chief Rohas: Get anything on our vigilante this time, Bennet? Ethan Bennet: Besides the fact that he Bat wrapped Thorn’s butt for us? Chief Rohas: Well, it’s up to you and your partner to see to it that this urban legend doesn’t become a folk hero. Ethan Bennet: Partner? Since when? Chief Rojas: Since I decided two heads are better then one. Detective Ethan Bennet, meet detective Ellen Yin; formerly at Metropolis PD. Their loss. Ellen Yin: Howdy, partner. Ethan Bennet: Welcome to Gotham. Chief Rojas: Now that you two acquainted. Bring me this Batman; who ever he is. Alfred: (coughs) Bruce: I know Alfred, time for swinging bachelor Bruce Wayne to put on the party hat. Alfred: Rest assured Master Bruce, you’re never far from the bat cave, with the modern miracle of the Bat Wave. Arkam Asylum Guard: Steiner, check. Mcswang, check. 223…vacant. Hey…No body logged any new arrivals. Woah, what are you doing here? What the…? The Joker: I was feeling a bit screw loose, so I, checked myself in. Arkam Asylum Guard: Wh-who are you? The Joker: My Card…(maniacal laughter) Arkam Asylum Guard: No nooo nooooo!!! The Joker: (more maniacal laughter echoing ) Ethan Bennet: Let me tell you something, old Bats never leaves a trace. No prints. No follicles. No match on tire tracks. Detective Yin: Custom Jobs. Ethan Bennet: Dude has resources. Detective Yin: And a knack for showing up where crime is and police aren’t. Ethan Bennet: I never laid eyes on him. Detective Yin: Just in, an unknown perp released all patients from the east wing of Arkham Asylum. Ethan Bennet: What?!? That’s crazy! Detective Yin: Crazy enough to lure a Bat? Bruce: You know, I once toyed with the idea of buying the Gators. Buying them lunch. Girl 1: Oh mister Wayne… Bruce: Oh, pardon me ladies. Arkham? TV Sports Commentator: And among Gotham notables, we welcome the young CEO of Wanye Industries’, Bruce….Wanye.. Uh…Grabbing a Gator dog, no doubt. Alfred: No doubt. Bruce: Gotta work on though stops. Cop 1: Whoa! Cop 2: What the...? Ahhh ahhh! Batman: That was theatrical. Joker: Laughing echoing in the background of arkham asylum. Joker: Takes after his Pa wouldn’t you say? Batman: What did you do to him? Joker: Just some laughing gas, drag. Don’t tell me you’re… not an inmate? What rational being dresses like you? And speaking of threads, think that this is a good look for me? Batman: Who are you? Joker: Joker. Batman: Not what, Who? Joker: (grumbles from his face being rubbed by Batman) Smear free. It’s perma-clown! Ohh, tough crowd. Look! Nothing up my sleeves! (chuckles) Nothing that won’t put a smile on your face. Say cheese! (laughes) I’m out of gas… Batman: And I am out of patience! Joker: (grunts from the punch) We know how to spoil a coming out party. How do you expect me to spread mirth and whimsy without a proper hideout?!? Batman: Listen Joker, you’re sick. You need help. Joker: Well, maybe I am a little off. (grunts from the jump and kick) Batman: (grunts from the impact and falls) Joker: But, what are you going to do? Lock me in the loony bin? I’m already here! Bennet: Situation report. Cop 1: We are rounding up patients and waiting for the choppers to take us over. Yin: Like we’ll get any dryer? (grunts from the jump in the water) (sighs from coming up for air) Bennet: New partner. Triathlon wiz. Joker: (breathing heavily while speaking due to fighting batman) You know, I really love this place. My old hideout a shambles, and these digs just scream me! (panting) Okay…Take back the asylum, but mark my words: this town has happy days ahead! (laughing manically) Batman: (grunts due to stopping the crank) Joker: (recording from the jack in the box) Smile Gotham! Batman: (sigh) Yin and Bennet Sigh from coming out of the river bank Yin: Well, better split up. Bennet: (gasp from seeing batman) You have the right to remain slient! Yin: Bennet, stop the perp? Bennet: The Bat… Alfred: Sir? A stranger in the bat cave? Batman: Tonight, we’ll make an exception. Alfred: Oh my… Chap could use a dentist. Batman: Or a medic. Alfred: Right then. Reporter Jim (on radio) : Chief Rojas, any suspects yet on this bizarre Jack in the Box hostage incident? Chief Rojas: I’m not at liberty to reveal whom. But, I feel confident our best detectives are closing in on them as we speak. Alfred: And Gotham Gator fan Bruce Wayne with nearly an alibi. Bruce: How’s our patient? Alfred: Despite the ghastly grimace, fit as a fiddle. Poor fellow is simply a prisoner in his own body. Bruce: A sample of Joker’s Gas is our only hope of deriving an antidote. And I need to find it, before this madman puts a permanent smile on all of Gotham. '(Flashback)' Joker: Smile Gotham! My old hideout a shambles. Bruce: If I find the old hideout, I find this Joker. Alfred: Master Bruce, someone to see you. Bruce: Uh, who is it Alfred? Alfred: The police. Bruce: Detective, a am I under arrest? Bennet: Yo Bruce! Bruce: Hey Hey! Ethan! Bennet: Where’d you been my friend? Alfred: Master Bruce was at the game last night. Bennet: Speaking of, thought we were on set to shoot some hoops last week. Bruce: Ah.. I have been buried Ethan; 24/7. Bruce: So, why the sudden visit? Bennet: Just (sigh), I needed to talk to someone. Other then the guys at the station I mean. This is going to sound weird Bruce, but last night, I saw the Batman. Alfred: Only a Ming. Bruce: So, he’s for real? What’s he look like? Bennet: Dude like you or me. Cept he wears Bat jammas. (chuckles) Tough part’s this Bruce, I really believe the Bats helping Gotham. Even if he is on the wrong side of the law, but he is getting a bad rap and the heat’s on me to take him down. Batman: Look’s like a clown hideout. Joker: Stop me if you heard this one before, Batman: There were these two fellows in an abandoned party favor factory. The one says to the other…. Batman: Where are you keeping the gas, Joker? Joker: You call that a punch line? Batman: I don’t share your sense of humor. Joker: Yet were linked, you and I, like comedy and tragedy. Two sides. Same coin. Batman: The gas Joker! Or I vow I will turn your smile upside down. Joker: If its gas you want… Eh he he he…Ha Ha! Place all tray tables in their up right positions! (joker laughs maniacally) Bystander 1: Gasp! Bystander 2: What is that? Looks like a ballon! Joker: Smiles people! Smile! Batman: The balloon is filled with Joker Gas. And he is going to pop it, over Gotham. Bennet: A balloon down town, this time of year? That’s… Yin: Crazy? I’ll drive. Joker: (manically laughing) If you’re loving me, wait to you’ll get a load of my pop! (more maniacal laughter) '(grunting from batman hitting joker and joker grunting from impact)' Batman: Stop this thing Joker! Joker: With what breaks? Yin: It’s the Batman. And he’s pummeling a clown. (batman kick’s joker with a grunt and the joker screams out in pain) Bennet: The Jake in the Box, Yin. What if clownie’s the one behind the arkham incident? Yin: Explain the missing orderly. Bennet: Maybe Bats take him cause…uh I don’t know. Uh… The guy needed help or something. Yin: Fair enough. We’re chasing two perps: One’s a criminal. The other is still a vigilante. Batman: (grunting) Joker: Watch your pinkies! Ahhh! Batman: (Grunting from pulling the ballon) Yin: East. Gotham Bay. Joker: (growls) You have made me one sad clown! Hmm? Where’d you go? Batman: Knock, knock! Joker: Whoops! There? (grunts from the kick) Whoa whoa! Joker: Whoa! (Growls) Joker: My precious gas! Passed! By a party pooper. Batman: I had a different punch line in mind… Yin: Well, we can take the clown in. Bennet: I know you love to swim. Batman: Alfred, move our house guest out of the Bat Cave and Prep the lab. I have an antidote to whip up. Arkham Asylum Guard: Steiner.. Check. Mcswang…Check. 223…New Arrival…Check. Joker: They all said I was sick in the head. They said, “I needed help.” Well, maybe I am a bit batty. Blame it on the Bats in my Belfry. (Joker Trademark laugh). Category:Transcript